February 3, 2005
They don’t believe me, I should be happy I lost my virginity they say but I didn’t want it, Ms. Maxwell had cornered me coming back home from the cliff. Maybe I’m over reacting, most guys my age would be excited to even have an older girl touch them; It just sucks you know cause it’s not how I planned to lose something so personal but a 25 year old being into a 16 year old should raise concern not praise? No. She did leave me with this weird bite mark on my neck though it’s nothing crazy just…Checking in the mirror to see it’s a pretty deep wound that I’ve been trying to stop from getting infected for the moment it just stings for a bit but other than that I don’t think it’s a big deal.
February 7, 2005
It’s been a few days now and that mark on my neck has been giving me some slight headaches. I took some ibuprofen before Darren came to pick me up for school, pretty sweet ride he has for his first car it’s the latest mustang but back on topic. It’s like the two I took had no effect and the nurse would only limit me at two, she recommended that I go see my doctor cause she believed the mark on my neck could be infected but when I just checked it, it looks fine to me. Way more healed than it was a few days ago.
Oh! But dude finally talked to my crush Cassandra, man going with her to junior prom is definitely going to be the highlight of this year. Odd side note to mention here but today I seemed to smell something I haven’t before….I don’t know, maybe I’m just imaging things but our math teacher smelt different today like a mix of grits and eggs with bacon and toast but also sweet like manufactured mango and tulips.
February 14, 2005
Something isn’t right with me; I can’t shake the feeling that I’m changing in ways I can’t describe. Colors seem brighter, smells….I can tell what some ate for breakfast, It’s hard for me to focus in class; everything is just so loud the biting of pencil ends, the constant yelling from the classroom next door I think I caught the flu or something, I’m burning up real bad; At least that’s what mom thinks but I’ve been hoovering over this toilet since about 11oclock, it’s three in the morning now. Yeah, maybe just the f
February 15, 2005
So the doc said I should take it easy, especially with junior prom coming so soon in two weeks I think, I might want to double check that. I might just chill out, well I kind of have got no choice with this doctor’s note they won’t even allow me in class. Alright I might cut this entry short hank I need to go eat something,..then sleeeeep
February 18, 2005
I….I feel amazing today like better than I ever felt. I went for a jog this morning and not once felt tired, not even that warm sensation you get on your back thigh, didn’t even stop to take a break just me and six miles or maybe that would be twelve since I had to run all the way back. My fever is gone but that weird mark on the side of my neck hasn’t gone away, it does kind of have this cool cattle branding look to it though. Think I might try out for the wrestling team tomorrow and speaking of branding Cassandra said the mark looked cool, which really brightened my day really wasn’t sure if I was blushing…wait can black people blush? Never mind I just know I might want to start seeing how many push-ups I can squeeze in.
I’m feeling this strong force, I’m not sure how to describe it but as I sit here at my window seal looking at this crescent moon and this sound like a distorted version of hearing the ocean in a shell keeps calling to me. Maybe I’m just tired, but I’ve been every hungry lately; mom even yelled at me for eating majority of the meat after my jog this morning.
February 19, 2005
It’s happening again the overwhelming sounds in class, I had to run out of Math class just to catch my breathe had to run outside and in P.E. I accidently broke Jake’s nose during dodgeball. That crap got me sent to the principal’s office but think goodness, Jake got me off the hook, dude said we were cool. I need to hit him up one of these days to hangout after school especially covering my ass to help me avoid suspension, but mom is hella pissed over it; at least it’s better than dad’s found humor out of it even with me telling him I didn’t mean it he just replied with boys will be boys. It does kind of hurts, you know? to be dismissed so easily or maybe dad is right and I’m just being too sensitive.
February 20, 2005
Screw Darren, Fuck him! I’ve never seen a face that’s so punch-able in my life. To go to Jake’s house party with out me and to have to hear from Phil that him and Cassandra hooked up. What kind of best friend is that? What a liar, what a piece of shit he turned out to be, I could I
February 23
I think I did something bad, I woke up in the woods naked by the cliff having to run home before anyone in the neighborhood notices while the whole time tasting copper and Iron on my lips. Prying my way back into the house I was able to see what was on my face thanks to the mirror on my dresser, It…..it was blood on my face to my shock the sight of blood immediately made me run into the bathroom to wash it off. Both mom and dad left for work a hour or two ago this morning but I tried my best to hide the vomit that’s all over the bathroom, I was able to clean it once they left. I’m not recalling much from last night, it’s like a black fog or like a blacking out a little woozy too like being drunk. What’s going on at school since I had to take a sick day, I tried texting Austin and Phil but of course neither of them texted me back. Figured they were just busy, so I didn’t blow them up but I have been just seating around in this room for hours at least enough to watch the afternoon sun rise to sundown, until Phil texted back.
Apparently they found Darren body today, he was killed right outside in his backyard; At first I didn’t believe it when he was telling me but his resistance to joining me laughing really gave me the quick feeling of how serious he was but I just saw the news a few moments ago which just reaffirmed it. Phil is the funny one after all.
February 24
Was restless all night, They say Darren was attacked by a bear from how badly they’re saying he was mauled, I feel really bad for his mom on the news yesterday she said she could barely recognize her own son. I wonder if my incident yesterday morning? Did I do this? No no I couldn’t have,…right? What is happening?
September 1, 2005
Alice moved a while ago, turns out that mark she put on me was a curse, I guess one could say. I change around every full moon they constant leaving so late was really causing mom and dad to not only argue with me but each other as well, it started to become a everyday thing especially with them having another kid on the way, I think me leaving is for the best. So I had to leave my parents and now live with my aunt Tracey and you want to know something weird, she also has the same mark too right on the back of her calf. She has taken me hunting for deer and elk which is really cool. I figured as the last page of my journal I should say, I do miss my friends but ever since Darren died things just weren’t the same. It’s a baby girl by the way. They can have at it, I’m happier here in the mountains, the transformation isn’t as painful anymore either, though the taste of copper and Iron in the morning after a full moon doesn’t surprise me.
I wish I could do a extra page but it’s time to move on. I actually just brought a new journal for college in the next few months….oh right! I decided it was best if I graduated early anyway it just felt like the better choice you know? Like I just really needed to get out of there. It’s called lycanthropy why aunt has a bookshelf filled with the history on it. It’s been an interesting journey with you Hank but I’m running out of room so til we meet again.
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